[InstCombine] fix xor-or-xor fold to check uses and handle commutes

I'm probably missing some way to use m_Deferred to remove the code
duplication, but that can be a follow-up.

The improvement in demand_shrink_nsw.ll is an example of missing
the fold because the pattern matching was deficient. I didn't try
to follow the bits in that test, but Alive says it's correct:
https://rise4fun.com/Alive/ugc

llvm-svn: 341426