[CodeGen] Revamp counted_by calculations (#70606)

Break down the counted_by calculations so that they correctly handle
anonymous structs, which are specified internally as IndirectFieldDecls.

Improves the calculation of __bdos on a different field member in the struct.
And also improves support for __bdos in an index into the FAM. If the index
is further out than the length of the FAM, then we return __bdos's "can't
determine the size" value (zero or negative one, depending on type).

Also simplify the code to use helper methods to get the field referenced
by counted_by and the flexible array member itself, which also had some
issues with FAMs in sub-structs.